Post by Glenn on Apr 20, 2009 9:58:35 GMT
So what did everyone think of this announcement - She says now *Updated* that she didn't get the part....
Ok so...
Tomorrow at 2pm I have a 'call back' audition for the part of Arachne in the Broadway musical of Spiderman. It will be directed by Julie Taymor and the music has been written by Bono and Edge of U2.
The actual audition for this role, which happened 2 years ago, was a terribly traumatic experience. You see, although not cursed with a tremendous ego (i don't think) i do know what i am good at and tend not to put myself in situations where i don't know for sure that i will come out on top.... performance wise that is. You see, i can deal whole heartedly with someone not liking what i do, as long as i have done it to a standard that i approve as at least good.
I had such feelings of turmoil when i walked out of that audition that i simply just cried. I wasn't sure why at the time and came to the conclusion that it was utter frustration. You see, i knew that my acting was bad and i could do nothing to change it because i haven't trained myself in the art of it.
The audition consisted of me getting 'sides' a while before (this is not normally allowed as they are considered confidential, but they knew that i had never acted before and i had an 'in' with Dave Stewart) and then spending $300 on 2 private acting classes which did nothing other than make me feel a little uncomfortable and put my bank account overdrawn. From the feel of the lessons it seems that they are the kind of thing you would do if you had been acting in classes for years and felt that you needed to look at yourself under a magnifying glass. Questions about my childhood, direct questions about the way i feel about my father to try to stir emotions in order to get the 'performance' was something i was not ready for. I need a few years with a shrink apparently, before i am mentally and emotionally equipt to play a female spider rock villain.
The point is, i REALLY REALLY wanted the part. I NEEDED it.
I kept the whole thing very very secret from my everyone. Friends, family, band members. I locked myself in a room and looked at the parts and 2 songs they had given me as reference points (to my pleasant suprise song to the siren by this mortal coil and rock'n roll nigger by Patti smith. i already was familiar with both) fantasizing about what it felt like to fly on wires across a stage singing dramatic songs to Peter Parker. Enacting in my mind how i would look being mad at the newspaper editor and how wonderfully i would swing from calm and sensual to thunderously enraged. The audience would be speechless!
Actually, at the audition, standing coyly in front of Julie, her husband who had arrived only for my audition which had been saved til last because they were all very interested in my voice and wanted to work with me on the acting (adding unforseen pressure to the moment) Dave stewart , the wonderful Teese Ghol and an (amazing) actor pretending to be peter and the newspaper guy, the audience was indeed, speechless but not in the way i had intended.
IT WAS TORTURE!
I wanted to wither and die.
I wanted to run and dive out of the ceiling high window of the building overlooking hollywood.
Is this how every other actor feels in Hollywood on a daily basis?
I wanted to get a job waiting tables and never be stupid enough to read a line of a script ever again.
This is what i did (sans the waiting tables bit).
Two years later i get an email stating that they are "interested in scheduling Carina Round for the lead role of 'Arachne', the female rock villian"
my response to my manager, admittedly somewhat overly dramatic, read:
"This was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.
How are they still interested in me? I was so bad that even ---- ---- said my acting was unsalvagable."
Immediatley i had a pain in my chest from anxiety. Tingling in my hands from fear. yes, FEAR.
Fuck that.
You see, i am going to do this call back. I need to because i refuse to carry that fear around with me forever. Its actually perfect that its for exactly the same part. I am going to learn the songs that they have given me and i am going to go in a do my best but there is going to be a difference from last time. I don't need this. I already lost this once. I have had no further acting experience since last time. I have already shown my hairy balls to the people that will be in the room and frankly, i can t be any worse than i was then and If i am it's their own fault for asking for more!
I am going to have fun.
Wish me luck.
Carina x
Tomorrow at 2pm I have a 'call back' audition for the part of Arachne in the Broadway musical of Spiderman. It will be directed by Julie Taymor and the music has been written by Bono and Edge of U2.
The actual audition for this role, which happened 2 years ago, was a terribly traumatic experience. You see, although not cursed with a tremendous ego (i don't think) i do know what i am good at and tend not to put myself in situations where i don't know for sure that i will come out on top.... performance wise that is. You see, i can deal whole heartedly with someone not liking what i do, as long as i have done it to a standard that i approve as at least good.
I had such feelings of turmoil when i walked out of that audition that i simply just cried. I wasn't sure why at the time and came to the conclusion that it was utter frustration. You see, i knew that my acting was bad and i could do nothing to change it because i haven't trained myself in the art of it.
The audition consisted of me getting 'sides' a while before (this is not normally allowed as they are considered confidential, but they knew that i had never acted before and i had an 'in' with Dave Stewart) and then spending $300 on 2 private acting classes which did nothing other than make me feel a little uncomfortable and put my bank account overdrawn. From the feel of the lessons it seems that they are the kind of thing you would do if you had been acting in classes for years and felt that you needed to look at yourself under a magnifying glass. Questions about my childhood, direct questions about the way i feel about my father to try to stir emotions in order to get the 'performance' was something i was not ready for. I need a few years with a shrink apparently, before i am mentally and emotionally equipt to play a female spider rock villain.
The point is, i REALLY REALLY wanted the part. I NEEDED it.
I kept the whole thing very very secret from my everyone. Friends, family, band members. I locked myself in a room and looked at the parts and 2 songs they had given me as reference points (to my pleasant suprise song to the siren by this mortal coil and rock'n roll nigger by Patti smith. i already was familiar with both) fantasizing about what it felt like to fly on wires across a stage singing dramatic songs to Peter Parker. Enacting in my mind how i would look being mad at the newspaper editor and how wonderfully i would swing from calm and sensual to thunderously enraged. The audience would be speechless!
Actually, at the audition, standing coyly in front of Julie, her husband who had arrived only for my audition which had been saved til last because they were all very interested in my voice and wanted to work with me on the acting (adding unforseen pressure to the moment) Dave stewart , the wonderful Teese Ghol and an (amazing) actor pretending to be peter and the newspaper guy, the audience was indeed, speechless but not in the way i had intended.
IT WAS TORTURE!
I wanted to wither and die.
I wanted to run and dive out of the ceiling high window of the building overlooking hollywood.
Is this how every other actor feels in Hollywood on a daily basis?
I wanted to get a job waiting tables and never be stupid enough to read a line of a script ever again.
This is what i did (sans the waiting tables bit).
Two years later i get an email stating that they are "interested in scheduling Carina Round for the lead role of 'Arachne', the female rock villian"
my response to my manager, admittedly somewhat overly dramatic, read:
"This was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.
How are they still interested in me? I was so bad that even ---- ---- said my acting was unsalvagable."
Immediatley i had a pain in my chest from anxiety. Tingling in my hands from fear. yes, FEAR.
Fuck that.
You see, i am going to do this call back. I need to because i refuse to carry that fear around with me forever. Its actually perfect that its for exactly the same part. I am going to learn the songs that they have given me and i am going to go in a do my best but there is going to be a difference from last time. I don't need this. I already lost this once. I have had no further acting experience since last time. I have already shown my hairy balls to the people that will be in the room and frankly, i can t be any worse than i was then and If i am it's their own fault for asking for more!
I am going to have fun.
Wish me luck.
Carina x